My Take On Tilt

I love it when people who have no idea about professional/serious gambling attempt to have a conversation with me about it when they just say such inane things like "so I heard you played poker today? So-and-so told me you had a bad day?"

I usally respond with something like "oh, I dropped about 5 buyins today on some coolers and some questionable plays by myself, so im stuck around $1000. But in anycase I'm not worried about it because it was a small sample size and I think my table selection skills are impr-" Only to be cut off by "OMG 1000 bucks!!!!!1! Dude that's alot of money! You sure you don't have a gambling problem?"

It seems like every time a situation like this comes up, I usually end up just walking away without really saying anything. Ehhhh Idk what to do, but Im getting kinda tired of all that. I've decide that the next time someone asks me anything that I consider stupid involving poker, Im going to just tweak out and be like "Yeah man, I did lose $1,000 at the Casino last night. I would actually care but Im up like 4k this week online and thats just on one site. Actually, come to think of it, Im completely confident enough to say that Ive profited more within the last few days then you will all summer. So 1k losses are really no big deal. But uhhh if you have anything else to say, just let me know. Enjoy the rest of your night yo"

My top 10:

10) Are these poker sites legit? Like, do they actually pay you?
9) Since everyone gets basically gets the same opportunities and the same hands, doesnt everything just like balance out
8) You GAMBLE online for a LIVING?
7) TRUST ME, all of my friends were in to poker, they all played online, and they all said the same things. When it comes down to it, the luck is just in the cards (Thought process: I could care less about your newbish busto friends. Shut it down ho)
6) You think I could give you like $100 and you could turn it into 2k for me? Ill give u half my action bro! (WTF newb, why would i waste my time turning 100 dollars of your money into 2k? Do you really think that this is worth my time?)
5) Thats nice but you will lose it all once you stop getting lucky (Really, is that going to happen. Am I really going to lose 40 buy-ins a row, allwhile instashoving tiltmonkeying my way to bustoville?)
4) "I thought online poker was illegal"... makes me want to punch a baby in the face
3) Live Newb: You know why they call AK Anna Kournikova? (Me- bored and highly uninterested what this live newb has to say) :why is that? LN: Looks good but never wins, bunch of other idiots chuckle it up at the table (Inside my mind- maybe if you learned how to play AK, you wouldnt feel the same way you incompetent newb, sratches head, all while feeling little pieces of my brain die inside my skull)
2) The sites are rigged to create big hands against big hands so all the money gets all in and thus they profit from big rake. Only winner online is the rake (Obv they don't realize there is a rake max and that the sites profit more when you slowly but surely win and lose small pot after small pot until they rake all your money)
1) And the Winner- But How much did u lose? (Plebes, im done hating for now. Ill just consider this to be self-explanatory and pray that your simple minds can grasp why this enrages me.)